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Posts from the ‘Communication Tips’ Category

Jan 30

Confidence for Women: Yes, Keep Calm & Carry On

confidence for women carry on

I don’t know about you.  Some Mondays I am looking forward to the start of the new week.  Some Mondays I wish it were a holiday so I can extend the weekend, maybe even get some rest.  Some Mondays I try to hide and pretend, I haven’t even shown up.

A part of being a confident woman is presenting what you need to when.

 

Is it Monday and you want to hide or rest some more?  Do you have meeting you are not fully prepared for?  Do you have a presentation?  We know there’s no getting out of what we need to (those darn to-do lists!)  Put on a smile, some lipgloss and tackle the day!

That’s my plan anyhow!  Happy Monday gals! Have a good week!

Jan 20

Confidence for Women: Ever Notice That Smile?

Confidence for women smile

“A smile is a language that even a baby understands.” -Unknown

Ever notice how a smile can change everything?

  • You’re in a fight and someone cracks a smile?  And you can’t help to crack one back?  It’s like that contagious yawn?
  • You’re having a rough a morning and someone smiles at you with empathy.  You can’t help to smile back as a Thank You for noticing.
  • You laugh at the silliness of your neighbor or the dorkiness of your friend.
  • You smile at the unexpected.
  • You smile at the heartwarming and kind.
  • You smile at innocence.

A smile, your smile, can change everything.

It’s meaning, “to assume a facial expression indicating pleasure, favor or amusement” somehow means that much more than a mere “facial expression”.  It’s a gift. Your gift.  It will change your day when you give it out.  And when you receive it.

*images from pinterest

Jan 17

Confidence for Women: Take a Queue from Your Husband?

When I think about inspiring confidence for women, to be honest, one of the first things I think about are the differences between men and women.  I am a pretty confident gal, I believe there is nothing I can’t learn and therefore, nothing I can’t do. Yes, I need to think about things, ponde

r decisions and let things sit for a while as I get comfortable with new thoughts and decisions.  But at the end of the day, I am typically confident of the decisions I make, don’t make and the reasons behind them.

confidence for women your worldAs I watch the HB, a person who never seems to falter in his confidence, I think of how different we are.

He immediately knows what he likes and dislikes, what he will and won’t do, and has a strong opinion on just about everything.  He isn’t abrasive about sharing his opinion and will let me go on and on about my opinion until I or someone else has the facts wrong.   Then he will offer the facts, as he knows it, to make his case and clarify the situation.

 

What I find fascinating about how the HB operates is his seemingly immediate (and strong) opinion on things.  But what I have learned is that he forms his opinions differently and at separate times than me.  More importantly, he presents his opinions differently than a lot people.   The HB is always presents that he is sure of his opinion.  Perhaps privately he is more wish-washy about something but it will be a rare occasion to see it.

Professionally, he has said how important it is others confidence in him and once he stated how no one wants to (or needs to) hear him “Umm,” “Well,” or “Uhhh”.  Instead, he offers various and different options works as a team to determine a course of action.  No, “ummm-wells-uhhh”s.

It occurs to me that this presentation of confidence is a major stepping-stone in building confidence.   Presentation of your opinions, needs, wants is merely a presentation.

Professionally, you will never see me falter.  Not that I am arrogant.  I simply know what I know, know what I don’t know and know what to do in both situations.   And I understand that if I don’t currently know the answer or solution, it doesn’t mean anything more than that.

What are you presenting?  I certainly do not have as strong of opinions as the HB but I like his style.  He forms an opinion, makes a decision, yet remains open to possibilities.   I would love to hear what’s happening in your household!  How are you different, the same, and what you are presenting.

*image from pinterest

Jan 10

own world

Confidence for Women: Own Your Decisions. Own Your World.

When you walk in the door, do you smile at the people you meet?

When you are asked to do something, is your response with a can-do attitude? Or do you feel like you just had more work added to your overloaded life?

Either answer is more than acceptable. Yes! I can do it! No I can’t do it! Either way, a decision has been made. Both answers are more than acceptable. The next steps and attitude you take with your decision is what will make the difference not only in your own happiness but also the happiness of those impacted by your decision. Own your decision and walk with confidence.

For example, if you are asked to make dinner for your extended family, no matter what you decide, the decision will be fine and your family will end up eating. Do you take on making dinner as something fun or as an unsatisfying chore? Can you not making dinner be a positive? (heck! I am not the best cook, maybe you don’t want me to cook!) perhaps ordering in is a good solution? Or do you feel mad that you were asked, had to say no and then feel guilty about it?

Own your decision and you own your world. Whatever it is that you choose, you choose it for better or worse. The positive (and negative) that follows is, at minimum, empowering. Isn’t it?!

Now, if you want to talk to me about how to turn the perceived negative into a positive and get everyone else on board, then that is a whole other conversation! (Which I love too!) But today, as a good start, own your decisions!

*image from pinterest

Dec 30

Reflect on 2011. Build 2012. A Personal Note.

Goodbye 2011 1

This year is coming to a close and as the holidays finish off, it feels good to be able to stay put for a minute and reflect on the previous year.

Personally, it has been a year of highs and lows. I have had the great pleasure of witnessing the amazing changes of my little girl in her first year. Each day my love for her grows, I can barely remember the days without her. I have loved watching my husband excel at his job, something he has worked incredibly hard for. I am getting adjusted to being on the West Coast and their weirdness. Living by the water has also literally been a dream come true. Everyday it simply amazes me how vast the ocean is and how equally big the sky is. As you may know in January, we lost my mom at the early age of 69. While she wasn’t in great health, her passing was a complete shock and is to me still today. She and I had the wonderful opportunity the year prior to talk nearly every day. There are few moments that go by that I don’t think of her and miss her.

Professionally, I have worked on moving my business from the East Coast to the West Coast. People naturally loved the work I did back East and always wanted to continue working with me. Work was fun and finding work was easy. On the West, I am new and am in the middle of a big learning curve. Many people have said I should change my title from the “Girl Who Could” to the “Girl Who Did.” For me, I will always continue to learn and grow, I will continue to have new challenges and opportunities but never will I stop. Nor will I stop believing in my abilities to tackle my next adventure, as I continue with my West Coast transition.

In the meantime, I have loved writing my blog even when I haven’t been sure how many people have read it, learned from it or been impacted by it. I feel like the world is being led and taught by old white men. And frankly, being far from that, I have lost interest in learning from them, as they are not one I aspire to be. I feel there is a voice missing for people (and women especially) to help them find their true selves and learn how to bring it out – without blowing up the world around them. I believe in the use of language, improved communication and clear intentions make this process a little bit easier to accomplish.

And of course, as you know me, I love business. I love small business. I love the little engine that could. For me, it is all about the process and helping the next success story come alive! For you and for me!

Reflect on 2011. Build 2012. And thank you for sticking with me!

Ashleigh

*image from pinterest

Dec 21

From Dreaded Holiday Party to Empowered Party in 2 Steps

“Whenever you’re in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.”

This holiday season, patience is limited all around. Work is at the year-end crunch time. And you have to see some of your dreaded family.

On a bad day, when I can get all worked up, I can easily put together a few choice words for that special annoying person, that ever demanding someone or even that person who is seemingly driving slow just to get to me. (Hey! I am human!)

Sometimes it takes me calling a friend who I know will understand or simply get me out of my temporary funk. Those are good and enjoyable but the anxiety always seems to come back.

On a good day, it takes being an adult, remaining calm and walking in prepared with how you feel and how you will act. On this good day, on this important moment, when it isn’t best to unload or stay tense waiting for trouble, instead what I do is the following:

    1. Two wrongs do not make a right. It’s amazing to me how much this comes up. Truth is some adults do not know how to act like an adult. My acting like a child along with them does not accomplish anything. In fact, I could bet that that would make things worse, far worse. So remember that you are an adult who can choose to engage in conversations with people who are also willing to act like adults. You can offer to them further conversation when they are ready and open.

    2. The other thing for me, once I know I am going to proceed with calm, my next decisions are based around what is best for me, for my family and this relationship? Whatever and however I act, I know I can walk away knowing I did the best that I could and that is all I am really responsible for. The rest, the other 50% of the relationship is up to them. That said, I know that I can walk into any room, with a sense of calm and confidence.

You can too with my simple steps. Good luck!

Dec 12

Words worth reading…

steve jobs“Coming back to America was, for me, much more of a cultural shock than going to India. The people in the Indian countryside don’t use their intellect like we do, they use their intuition instead, and their intuition is far more developed than in the rest of the world. Intuition is a very powerful thing, more powerful than intellect, in my opinion. That’s had a big impact on my work.

Western rational thought is not an innate human characteristic; it is learned and is the great achievement of Western civilization. In the villages of India, they never learned it. They learned something else, which is in some ways just as valuable but in other ways is not. That’s the power of intuition and experiential wisdom.

Coming back after seven months in Indian villages, I saw the craziness of the Western world as well as its capacity for rational thought. If you just sit and observe, you will see how restless your mind is. If you try to calm it, it only makes it worse, but over time it does calm, and when it does, there’s room to hear more subtle things – that’s when your intuition starts to blossom and you start to see things more clearly and be in the present more. Your mind just slows down, and you see a tremendous expanse in the moment. You see so much more than you could see before. It’s a discipline; you have to practice it.”

Steve Jobs by Walter Isaacson

*note: image from pinterest

Dec 7

Everyday Heroes

Everyday, everywhere, people are performing simple acts of kindness. To me, these are everyday heroes. The times when you act to benefit to create simple joy, make something easier or simply act with manners – never goes un-appreciated. I truly believe acting in this manner impacts someone’s day positively. They say “never judge another person until you have walked in their shoes” it’s also quite true that you never know what kind of day the person next to you is having. Your simple act of kindness can make you a hero.
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Yesterday, a nurse introduced herself to me to tell me how much she enjoyed working with my husband. (Little did she also know that my husband’s mother was right there too.) Or how about the women, in the Recovery Room, who were overjoyed in seeing E’s big blue eyes? How about the volunteer who recognized my MIL and was so happy to help. Or how about the woman, who has a 20+ year relationship with my family, who sat and waited for hours with us?

At the end of the day, instead of discussing a long anticipated wait, we talked of the many people we encountered and their big and small acts of kindness. These acts, ones that were most likely unassuming from the giver, made a big impact to our day. To me, they were our everyday hero.

How beautiful a day can be
When kindness touches it!
~George Elliston

I would love to hear what act (small or big) of kindness impacted your day!

**note: images from pinterest

Nov 17

Screaming – It’s Good For You!

Ever feel like a screaming lady?? I know I do. And I know my (near) one-year old does. She screams and hollers. I think it’s to clear her lungs or to just make a statement. And sometimes I holler back. Which usually gets a laugh from us both.

Go ahead and scream. Holler. It’s good for you!
Screaming Lady Fat Quarter

Screaming Lady Fat Quarter image from Yahgie & Company

Nov 10

Why Apologize??

Yes, you apologize for when you have done something wrong. You apologize when you hurt another and know it. Saying “I’m sorry” is wonderful to hear not because one likes to see the apologizer suck down their ego but because hearing it is a validation that your feelings and needs matter. as “I love you.”

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**image from here

Oct 6

2 Comments

Everyone Is Actually Heard

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“A life is not important except in the impact it has on other lives.” -Jackie Robinson

Do you love it when you leave someone and think about how nice they were? Do you leave wondering about who they were and how they got that way? Do you feel good about yourself simply because you were talking with the?

What about the other side? How about when you pass another person’s grumble? Maybe you’re at work and your co-worker is a little more impatient today or frankly outright short with others, borderline rude. Do you feel their mood and want to run away? Not only do your words make an impact, but so does your tone.

My mother opened every gift with huge “oooo”s and “ahhh”s like your gift was the gift she has been waiting for all of her life! Every gift was the gift! Ever have someone open a gift from you with mild or minimum excitement and you feel deflated too?

Do you see where I am going with this? No, you don’t always have to be chipper; you don’t have to wear a smile when you want to frown. But isn’t it important to remember that everyone is having a good or bad day and what YOU do impacts that.

Everyone’s voice is heard. So what are you saying? And how are you saying it?

“Everything can be taken from a man or a woman but one thing: the last of human freedoms —to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” — Victor Frankl, Man’s Search For Meaning

Sep 23

How to Avoid Re-Work: A Chief Complaint and Time Waster

bigstock The words Time Our Most Prec 21501437 300x252”Being busy does not always mean real work. The object of all work is production or accomplishment and to either of these ends there must be forethought, system, planning, intelligence, and honest purpose, as well as perspiration. Seeming to do is not doing.” –Thomas A. Edison

Don’t you hate it when you spend quality time perfecting a deliverable, only to have it returned back to you because it doesn’t fit the need, isn’t exactly what the customer was looking for or didn’t really meet the requirements in the eyes of the customer?

As a small business, there is nothing worse than having to go back and re-do work that has already been completed. You and your team are already wearing multiple hats, working long hours and your intention is to deliver the best to your customer but you just can’t seem to catch a break. Now you have to return to the original work and start over because in the end, you really do want a happy customer.

How do you ensure that THIS time your efforts will create a happy customer? That you can deliver a good, quality product that you are proud of and your customer is too?

We all know that strong communication skills are important when in the office and working with your customers. While there are many things that go into improving such skills, a good place to start is to look back at the original intent and purpose of why the customer bought in to the project in the first place.

Below are two quick things you can do to develop stronger communication skills and gather cleaner requirements from your customer.

    1. Prior to delivering the final product, take a moment to understand what the purpose of the deliverable is. Most product goals are to get things going, make things easier, more efficient or more profitable. However, some are just nice to have. You need to understand how the customer is impacted by your product or service and continue to talk to and work to that. When you finalize your final deliverable, return to the purpose. Will it meet the original needs of the customer?? And is there anything you can easily add to surprise your customer??

    2. Locking down product requirements can be easy or hard. When finishing off the deliverable, ask your customer if they want to do a brief review to ensure that you are on track with what they had envisioned. This gives the customer an opportunity to review, remain engaged and make any minor last-minute changes. Note: this is not the time to add new features or major work but rather to get input and feedback for this one-time upcoming deliverable. The customer’s buy-in will help ensure a happy customer at delivery. Also, keeping them in the loop will help develop a stronger relationship with your customer.

In business, it is vital to deliver satisfying goods and services to your customers. Of course, we would all like to do so without much re-work, which is a giant time-waster and disappointing for everyone involved. Remembering the intention and gain feedback ahead of the delivery date will help reduce the amount of re-work needed. In addition, by developing stronger relationships and talking with the customer further about their needs and desires, you will create an opportunity for additional future sales!

Sep 8

Low Hanging Fruit & Your Customer’s Happiness

bigstock A little girl picking an apple 12187547 300x193“The manner of giving is worth more than the gift.” ~Pierre Corneille, Le Menteur

Doesn’t it always seem like the customer wants “just” one more thing? Heck, I don’t blame them and I even do it myself. Aren’t we trained to always want more? Sometimes, even when we get what we want, it isn’t what we really need.

So it’s no surprise that our customers want one more thing. One small thing. This small thing is there to make them feel special. And that’s the end goal, for our customer to be satisfied with our delivery and to feel special. Trouble is, when we have multiple customers who want multiple additions to what was promised, we can get to a place where we have added on tons of work, higher expectations, and lower profit revenue. To me, “just” doing one more thing always ends up taking much longer than expected.

In any event, we want our customers to feel good and special. This is the power of low-hanging fruit. Below are some things you can do to make your customer happy while not adding loads of work to you and your team.

Low Hanging Fruit: What is it? In software implementations there was always the core program that we delivered and then there were always additional things that would make it easier and nicer for the user to use. For example, if the program was offering a list of personnel in the organization, low hanging fruit may be the capability to sort by location. While the sort capability may not have been envisioned immediately, it would be something the developer could do without a large time requirement and the end user would benefit greatly from being able to sort. Low hanging fruit is something seemingly small, a minimal effort, but it provides a surprisingly big impact to the user.

Wouldn’t the sales people who bring muffins or donuts in the morning be providing low-hanging fruit? It’s something seemingly small with a minimal effort but always has a surprisingly big impact to the customer.

Other ideas include offering a template that you have already made or doing a quick review or assessment of your customer’s work. Low hanging fruit is one of the simplest ways to make your customer happy. Offer something that is low effort to you and appreciated by them. Your customer will be excited, feel special and be happy with you!

Aug 30

Who Is In Your Inner Circle? Successful Business Owner Talks

In a recent interview with Nakapan Phungephorn, owner of Beta Martial Arts Academy in the heart of Washington, DC talks about managing relationships and keeping an inner circle to help further personal and professional success.

    “…In terms of real personal relationships with people I would say that everybody has a circle right, so you have an inner circle. Like my circle starts with my students so I have like 600 people in the school now. There’s a huge circle of people in our community. We have an inner circle like my instructors and the people that work for me the staff members. And then I had an inner circle where the people that I hang out with.

    You have to be careful about who you let in your circle because you think things can happen they’re a very cool person. It’s a whole another mindset to be a business owner and trying to drive success into your business. People don’t understand what you’ve had to do. I get a lot of students that come over to me and try to get into my office they’re like, hey can I get five minutes of your time. But they don’t understand that five minutes of my time is a really big part of my time because I need to be doing something else that’s more important so that they can have a place to train. So you need to be very careful about who let into your inner circle. And you don’t want to be hanging out with all the people you work with all the time. We have a saying that ‘familiarity breeds contempt.’ You don’t want to hang out with him. And then you got to tell them to do something and it’s like, hey I thought we were buddies.

    So you’re going to get that a lot and I don’t want to fool anybody, as well you’re going to be firing a lot of people. Over here we have a saying and all my people know it Is ‘Within 48 hours if you mess up I will fire you and I will find somebody to do your job.’ And they know that, they know that. It’s not a threat, it’s a promise of what happens; you mess up and you’ll be fired. But the community and I guess the culture of the workforce we all know the vision, we know what we want to do, and we want to create the greatest place to train in Washington, D.C. If you mess up you’re off the team. And I’ve had to fire at least 10 people this year.

    And yeah the first time I did it I was all sad and I couldn’t sleep and I was all mad, but after awhile you’re going to see these people you’re just getting rid of dead weight. If the guys are not on the ship and they’re rolling in the opposite direction you’ve got to get rid of them.

    … And people are going to talk they’re going to say; “Hey man that guy Nakapan is an asshole”, but I’m not an asshole there’s a reason why you were fired. Not because I didn’t like you because you didn’t do your job right.”

Well it’s also your livelihood, it’s your business, and it’s what you want to put out in the market.

    “Exactly. The worse part about running a business are employees. That’s the Number 1 thing you’ve just got to come up with systems that everybody’s going to do. They don’t own the business they’re not going to run it like you want to run it. So over here we have a very pay-for-performance culture where the more work you do the more money you’re going to make. It’s not a salary it’s not 9:00 to 5:00 where you punch in not hourly everybody will get paid to do more work.

    That breathes a culture, this hustling culture everybody’s trying to bring more students in and closing more deals. Oh it’s self-policing in a perfect world it would but you have to create it like that because they have to feel the same responsibilities you do.”

Nakapan is an upcoming successful business owner, one that has just signed a major lease for his gym in the newest development in Washington, DC. Being a part of a mastermind group, having a great product and service, creating irresistible offers are just the start of Beta Martial Arts Academy! (www.mmaindc.com)

Note: This article has been slightly edited to fit the desired format of the post. The content has not been altered.

Aug 16

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Stop Repeating Yourself & Get More Done with Conversations of Action

Communication is one of the primary keys to achieving results in any office. Conversely, a lack of quality communication is a killer to many issues, from achieving results to team-building. Without quality communication, there will be common misunderstandings and miscommunication in offices large and small. A notable result of a lack of quality communication is confusion in priorities.

How many times have you heard yourself say one thing and your team has taken different steps than what you requested? Do you find yourself continually repeating the same things? Do you find yourself saying the same thing in different ways? Or needing to?

How many different ways can you say the same thing? Actually, many.

To Start: Come From Their Perspective

    When preparing how you will communicate, come at the issue from the perspective of your customers, coworkers, and employees. If you were to make a request for a change, remember who you are talking to and come from their perspective. How will they perceive what you are trying to communicate?

Next: Make The Request

    When change is needed in the office, coordination is a requirement. Communication is the tool that is used to create the change. State what you need, discuss the reasons and how it could be accomplished. Request their input and how long they think it will take to accomplish these goals.

Follow Up: By Writing It Down

    Write it down. This is an easy step to skip but it’s most worthwhile to do so. After the conversation, write a review of the results and share it with the other party. This allows both sides to review the agreement and make sure that you are both on the same page.

Let the communication become a conversation of action and allow you to stop repeating yourself.

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